Love is a funny thing…

I wrote the last post on June 4th, and I swear it was maybe two weeks if that I met a wonderful loving Dominant supportive man, and we have so much in common. Our differences are just assets, but the key things I have always longed for and needed are there. His name is Jesse…just saying His name I can feel his energy all through me. I did not want to or plan for this, but he found me when I wasn’t looking…he found me. The first time I heard his voice I got chills. No he is not a musician, but he is a creative soul and an incredible entrepreneur. I admire him immensely. Only God knows what is going to come out of this relationship, but I am all in and if we see it isn’t working, I can guarantee we would be best friends, and I would be blessed to have him in my life.

I keep telling myself, self don’t you dare fall yet, and so I play it cool and calm, but I can not get him out of my head. Night and day, day and night he is there. He is so good to me, and I have never had anyone love me like this. I do not want to f*** this up!! He knows all my hopes fears desires, dreams, needs and longings. I swear he knows me better than I know myself. I mean, I admit I require a “special” kind of relationship and marriage. My needs are very very different. I am a submissive and I have always been, but got myself into a lot of bad situations, relationships, and even marriages, all because of these needs.

I said my final good-bye to my ex for good last week…no more contact and no more communication. It ended quite nasty, but it came at just the right time, because in a day there was an ending and a new beginning. Divorce sucks and I will not do it a third time.

Update: Well, it lasted a few weeks, but we have parted ways before even meeting. I know it was for the best and we are really good friends regardless. I know HE is out there…the One. I feel him all the time. Have I met him yet or do I have yet to meet him?

 

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Calling 911!!!!

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As soon as June 1st came, my life has been one huge whirlwind, and it is not about to stop just yet I know. Since the divorce it has constantly been one thing after the other, and I am not talking negative here, it has been chaotic to say the least. I have some speaking engagements now lined up, and that is great! I have an exam I have to take, and pass before I am able to start this new job. I am a little nervous because it is a very challenging exam, and one you can not really study for. So, prayers and positive vibes for me please on June 17th. I appreciate it. Now, this is the upside of the whirlwind, in addition to me moving out and having my own place once again. I am so excited for that!! I plan to fix it up and make it awesome!

The downside to this whirlwind happened in the middle of the day this past Friday. I was picking up groceries for myself and for my ex. husband, since he can not drive right now, and I thought I got everything on his list. I turn the sheet over and he has a whole page of items!! So after arguing and fighting with him as usual, I went back to the store, but as I was a few feet away, I suddenly hit the ground hard on my hands and knees, if I had not, I would have hit my head AGAIN! Krogers has a ramp that needs to finish being repaired, and that is how it happened. Two lovely souls rush over to me and ask if I am okay and they had to help me up since I was in pain and shook up. I am still recovering from the concussion I had in May, not even a month.

So I go into the store with my grace and swallowing my pride, but in sheer pain. I look down and see my palms are scratched and my left big toe is black from stubbing it on that damn ramp. Everyone saw and it was a bit unnerving, but I just kept smiling and being my happy confident usual self, and managed to get all the groceries at three stores and running errands, and not just for myself. The day before I was out having lunch with my mother, getting my hair cut, and having lots of coffee! I sat down to have my lovely healthy dinner, courtesy of #TastefullyPlated, when all of a sudden I became very sleepy, nauseous, and my head was pounding so bad I could not even think. I called my mother and couldn’t get her, and panic came over me, and so I called and talked to the pharmacist where she works, and they told me call 911 now.

I call 911 and the access me and see that I need to be taken to the ER ASAP since I just had a concussion in May. I have never rode in an ambulance and between that and all the motion and bumping around, I was nervous and hurting. I was admitted into the ER and had some neurological tests and they kept me under observation for a few hours. Thank God for miracles, because I had the same awesome doctor that diagnosed me with the concussion. He came talked to me and spent a little time with my mother and I, and I have to say he is a cutie too!!! Okay, back to the diagnosis…It appears with the concussion and now the fall, it has triggered the MS, and he looked over my CT scans, and said I need to have that MRI and see my neurologist soon, and to try to get them to move it up. I also had a really bad migraine and had to have an Imitrex injection. Having the PA, the Dr, and the most incredible nurses and staff I have ever seen at PCH, was a blessing. It was like I was in a whole different place. Apparently no one likes my ex sadly, and it was causing others to be pushed away and really causing pure hell during the last 4 years with everything.

Now this post is not for any other reason, but to let you all know what has been going on, why I haven’t been writing, and maybe I can help another woman to realize the dangers and the heartache of being married to a narcissist, and finally getting out. My ex. is a good man, and he was nice to me, at first. You can bet that I will be more cautious and even more selective, and not in any hurry to marry anyone. I am going to enjoy some me time, meeting people, dating, doing my music and coaching. I knew this was all coming, and my heart and mind already planned for it years ago.

More to come…