Love is a funny thing…

I wrote the last post on June 4th, and I swear it was maybe two weeks if that I met a wonderful loving Dominant supportive man, and we have so much in common. Our differences are just assets, but the key things I have always longed for and needed are there. His name is Jesse…just saying His name I can feel his energy all through me. I did not want to or plan for this, but he found me when I wasn’t looking…he found me. The first time I heard his voice I got chills. No he is not a musician, but he is a creative soul and an incredible entrepreneur. I admire him immensely. Only God knows what is going to come out of this relationship, but I am all in and if we see it isn’t working, I can guarantee we would be best friends, and I would be blessed to have him in my life.

I keep telling myself, self don’t you dare fall yet, and so I play it cool and calm, but I can not get him out of my head. Night and day, day and night he is there. He is so good to me, and I have never had anyone love me like this. I do not want to f*** this up!! He knows all my hopes fears desires, dreams, needs and longings. I swear he knows me better than I know myself. I mean, I admit I require a “special” kind of relationship and marriage. My needs are very very different. I am a submissive and I have always been, but got myself into a lot of bad situations, relationships, and even marriages, all because of these needs.

I said my final good-bye to my ex for good last week…no more contact and no more communication. It ended quite nasty, but it came at just the right time, because in a day there was an ending and a new beginning. Divorce sucks and I will not do it a third time, and I am pretty sure this one, won’t let me. ūüėČ

I am not sure He will see this, but if you happen to Jesse…I am Yours Truly. I manifested you into my life. We have been in each others energetic field all along. All of my Love…

Calling 911!!!!

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As soon as June 1st came, my life has been one huge whirlwind, and it is not about to stop just yet I know. Since the divorce it has constantly been one thing after the other, and I am not talking negative here, it has been chaotic to say the least. I have some speaking engagements now lined up, and that is great! I have an exam I have to take, and pass before I am able to start this new job. I am a little nervous because it is a very challenging exam, and one you can not really study for. So, prayers and positive vibes for me please on June 17th. I appreciate it. Now, this is the upside of the whirlwind, in addition to me moving out and having my own place once again. I am so excited for that!! I plan to fix it up and make it awesome!

The downside to this whirlwind happened in the middle of the day this past Friday. I was picking up groceries for myself and for my ex. husband, since he can not drive right now, and I thought I got everything on his list. I turn the sheet over and he has a whole page of items!! So after arguing and fighting with him as usual, I went back to the store, but as I was a few feet away, I suddenly hit the ground hard on my hands and knees, if I had not, I would have hit my head AGAIN! Krogers has a ramp that needs to finish being repaired, and that is how it happened. Two lovely souls rush over to me and ask if I am okay and they had to help me up since I was in pain and shook up. I am still recovering from the concussion I had in May, not even a month.

So I go into the store with my grace and swallowing my pride, but in sheer pain. I look down and see my palms are scratched and my left big toe is black from stubbing it on that damn ramp. Everyone saw and it was a bit unnerving, but I just kept smiling and being my happy confident usual self, and managed to get all the groceries at three stores and running errands, and not just for myself. The day before I was out having lunch with my mother, getting my hair cut, and having lots of coffee! I sat down to have my lovely healthy dinner, courtesy of #TastefullyPlated, when all of a sudden I became very sleepy, nauseous, and my head was pounding so bad I could not even think. I called my mother and couldn’t get her, and panic came over me, and so I called and talked to the pharmacist where she works, and they told me call 911 now.

I call 911 and the access me and see that I need to be taken to the ER ASAP since I just had a concussion in May. I have never rode in an ambulance and between that and all the motion and bumping around, I was nervous and hurting. I was admitted into the ER and had some neurological tests and they kept me under observation for a few hours. Thank God for miracles, because I had the same awesome doctor that diagnosed me with the concussion. He came talked to me and spent a little time with my mother and I, and I have to say he is a cutie too!!! Okay, back to the diagnosis…It appears with the concussion and now the fall, it has triggered the MS, and he looked over my CT scans, and said I need to have that MRI and see my neurologist soon, and to try to get them to move it up. I also had a really bad migraine and had to have an Imitrex injection. Having the PA, the Dr, and the most incredible nurses and staff I have ever seen at PCH, was a blessing. It was like I was in a whole different place. Apparently no one likes my ex sadly, and it was causing others to be pushed away and really causing pure hell during the last 4 years with everything.

Now this post is not for any other reason, but to let you all know what has been going on, why I haven’t been writing, and maybe I can help another woman to realize the dangers and the heartache of being married to a narcissist, and finally getting out. My ex. is a good man, and he was nice to me, at first. You can bet that I will be more cautious and even more selective, and not in any hurry to marry anyone. I am going to enjoy some me time, meeting people, dating, doing my music and coaching. I knew this was all coming, and my heart and mind already planned for it years ago.

More to come…

Being Authentically Me…

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Being authentic¬† to who I really am, and coming from the depths of my heart and soul, all the way into the very core of me, is essential not just for being in the present, but also for my own sanity. Being authentic to who I have always been brings in more abundance and prosperity, and not just speaking material things here. Abundance to me is living that abundant life…mindfully physically emotionally and spiritually. It is¬† living in “the Vortex”¬† as Abraham-Hicks calls it. (The Higher Frequencies) It is living in that beautiful state of higher vibrations, and yet feeling safe and content even in the lower vibrations, and not staying in those lower energies. After all, even as a mind body soul/spirit coach, life is definitely not all rainbows and unicorns.

¬†¬† One day last year, I looked in the mirror and I said “I love you, but something is wrong….what’s wrong?” It was months later when I realized that answer. The last several months life has been interesting for me, and there have been so many ups and downs, it felt like a damn amusement park ride. , and that has Everything from Twin Flames, health challenges to divorce. Right before my Birthday I got a mild concussion made my daily movement a challenge still, as I have to be gentle with myself still and slowly work back up to where I was. I turned 39…enough said. No one ever believes I am even 30. Most people assume I am in my twenties. I take after my Mother and her Father, they never even got gray hair really. My mom does not look her age either…good genes. As for the divorce…Yep, that happened once again. I was living a lie and it wasn’t about not being happy, which I was not, it was because it was hurting my soul.

I kept it all in and remained silent, even my Sis and my Mother really had no idea. I had not felt like creating and playing music that much since I got married in 2013. That should have been a red flag, but it was not. There were so many reasons why it led to a divorce, but to make it easier, let’s just call it “irreconcilable differences” that was the grounds in the settlement. I suppose one could say that I had a blocked Throat Chakra, and that wasn’t the only block…all my Chakras have been blocked or sluggish. It wasn’t until I met my TwinSoul, someone I have never met physically YET, that mirrored back my true self. In this beautiful man, I found me, and like a compass, my “true north” It feels like home.

A Twin Flame connection is not a connection that pacifies the Ego, in fact, it does the opposite. The Ego is that inner little child, your “inner soul”, and all it wants is your attention. It is scared and dwells in the emotions and keeps you in your head. It dwells in the lower vibrations, while the Twin Flame connection dwells from higher vibrations. It is your “Higher Self” that connects with them. There is no room for the lower vibrations and negative energy, and it is the one thing that can block you and your Twin Flame. So daily I do clearing and meditation, and I work on my energy with energy healing. I give myself the love that I have always wanted but never received totally. I treat myself the way I want my Twin Flame/ Soulmate to treat me. I connect with my Twin Flame telepathically all the time, and send them love and energy. We connect and have this beautiful 5 -D connection, and it is unlike anything I have ever felt or known. I admit sometimes my damn ego tries to take the lead, and I just remind myself this is not like ANY relationship I have ever had. Sure, I want us to move into #D and this all become our present and the manifested reality. My heart chakra is always bursting with so much love…unconditional love. Even if they were to be with someone else, they are still my Twin Flame eternally, and nothing will change that.

Have you caught on my theme with the colors yet? I am taking you on a little journey of the seven basic chakras, and how easily you can see they impact everything. One of my other weak chakras is my Solar Plexus because I gave my power away all the time. I ignored that little funny feeling in my tummy for a long time. If I could tell you one thing, it is please listen to that feeling, and don’t forget your inner strength, cause it is there. This chakra was blocked for me for a very long time. I felt stuck and I felt frozen, and instead of admitting it, I just tossed off to the side and would do my energy work, affirmations, pray, meditate, and all those things that are cornerstones for me, and ignore that I was hurting, really hurting. I faked a smile for years, and that is not authentic I know. I thought becoming a certified health coach would help, but no, it started awakening me to those things I had been hiding deep inside. I was that caged dove that was losing her song.

Once I met my Twin Flame, my sacral chakra was on fire. I was writing again. I was back into my creative self, and all that was happening is he was just reflecting me back to me, because your Twin Flame is you and you are him. The more his creative and passionate juices flow, the more I feel it and it runs all through me. I am absolutely on fire and he is the gasoline. There is no doubt he ignites me inside and out, sexually, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Listen to “Lost in Your Fire” and of course “Dangerous Game”. He heard my soul song, and I would even say more like the Primal scream. It is such a beautiful thing having someone “get me”! I won’t even wonder how someone I have never physically met, but then again I have felt like I had known them before. So I did a past life regression, and we were lovers. I was married to a very cruel wealthy man, Dr. I think, and he pushed me off our balcony, but I did not die. I was hurt badly, and could not walk for a while. My beautiful Twin Flame, Peter was his name, nursed me back to health. I still remember when we met. I was his student, and he was taught by the great Chopin. At one time I had thought that was him, but no, he was taught by him, and so I fell in love with my music teacher. I was an opera singer but my husband that was cruel did not like me doing music or singing. In the end we run away together and I have his child, actually we had twins, but I had a hard labor and lost one.

This was all making sense to me now, all the fears and phobias, and why I am the way I am with some things. The student is now the teacher, and I have been doing this since April 1998. I have been an avid listener of Chopin ever since my Senior year in Highschool. Now this gets interesting here because I did indeed have this massive crush for Mr. Maddy, my Music Theory and Piano Teacher, but fell for another pianist, and ever since I have felt connected in relationships with musicians, singers, songwriters, and I was never seeking that, at least not consciously. I was remembering my life with my Twin Flame, and how our souls were music. We were and are the music. God makes the music(Us) and we create music because it is us and we want to share that with the world. My fear of heights are because I was pushed and fell from a very high balcony of the¬† gorgeous mansion I was living in, not playing or singing in front of my ex husband or the man I was engaged to for three years, just made my stomach always tie up in knots and so I did not do it. I remember performing with my soulmate Jay, that passed away last Sept, with my then boyfriend, and fucking up so bad. I played the chords to “Baby Blue” wrong and threw both of us off. It was awful, but I kept going and Jay just smiled at me and al, never let me give up. That was from my husband in that past life not allowing me to do my music. I was always afraid to have a child because I have always felt that it would be a hard, if not deadly labor. Not being able to walk in that past life, makes sense because in May 2003 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and I had a hard time walking on my own for a few months or so.

In conclusion of this very long post, so much has happened indeed, but it was finding my Twin Flame that brought me back to the authentic self, and it feels like I am home. Now, I know that there may be a chance we never connect in 3D in this life, and one or both of us could be with another or even married, but nothing will change this unconditional love and our amazing connection…nothing.

 

 

 

Spring In My Heart…

Yesterday was the first day of Spring, the Spring Equinox, and it is a time of creating, rebirth, all things new and letting go of what no longer has served you.  It is a time of balance of the masculine and feminine, ying/yang, and so this calls to me in an even deeper way now.

I wrote that a lot of changes are happening for me, and to make this very brief, I met my Twin flame, which is a higher version of one’s soulmate, more intense, and the most purest and unconditional love I have ever felt on earth. I will write more on this soon, but for now I will just say that life has been interesting and mysteriously and amazingly beautiful. I am so thankful to God and the beautiful angels for him, and for leading us together. I have no idea where it is going to go for now, but I know eventually we will be together, since Twin flames are only brought together to heal humanity and teach about true unconditional love.

I knew this was going to happen ever since I was a little girl because I could feel him calling out to me from the other side. I just did not know his name. I saw him in my dreams so many times, and recently those dreams have become even more vivid and very real, to the point I wake up from sleep, meditation or a nap and feel like I was really with him, and not always sexually. Lately, it has been just “being” with him, talking, hanging out, and more of feeling a presence. I can feel his energy before he reveals himself, no matter if it is online, in dreams, or I am sure it will be this way in person.

More to come soon. Happy Spring and many blessings.